Gemma Frances

Unhinged Oracle: The Reckoning
A cult disguised as comedy… or maybe comedy disguised as a cult... Who’s to say really?

The Opening Manipulation:
Come hither, seekers, sinners and situationship survivors! Gather around, my burnt-out, over-therapised, serotonin-deficient children.
I am the Unhinged Oracle! Prophet of poor decisions, High Priestess of homosexual healing and the only woman banned from weddings, funerals, church fetes, and Chemist Warehouse.
You did not find this show by accident. 
You were summoned.
You are chosen and the Unhinged Oracle has a plan for your life.
From the sold-out temples of Perth and Melbourne Fringe, I return. Robed in audacity, delusion and credentials so questionable you’d think I was a middle-aged white man with a podcast.

The First Commandment: Confess or Regret
Each night, my congregation submits their secrets, questions and cursed dating histories deep into my holy box.
For I am the mouthpiece of uncomfortable truth. I do not soothe; I expose. (In love)
I command you to seek real, regular therapy because your friends are exhausted by your endless whinging. (No offense)
They giggle in agreement, grateful the spotlight of judgment isn’t on them. 
(For now)
Do not let your hearts be deceived! I’m not just a non award-winning comedian, the World’s Best Oracle, *New York Times best-selling psychic,**Maxim Magazine’s Number One Sexiest Bisexual with an incredible ass… No.
I am a mirror with winged eyeliner and zero concern for your feelings.

*1885
**Saturn Return Edition

The Second Commandment: Worship With Your Wallet
Blessed are those who buy merch, for theirs is the kingdom of tax deductions.
Blessed are those who post clips on TikTok, for they shall inherit clout.
Blessed are those who pre-book, for they shall be seated near the front and roasted first.
Evangelism through petty vengeance is my favourite form of outreach.

The Third Commandment: Thou Shalt Listen To Me With No Discernment
My miracles are modest. I don’t multiply loaves or walk on water…
But I can lift the veil from thine eyes to reveal that he wasn’t “an avoidant,”
He just didn’t like you.
I can annoint you with the sacred clarity so you may see... that maybe it’s their childhood trauma, or maybe they’re are just a massive c*nt.
Let me guide you to walk in the radiant light of truth, knowing that inner peace begins when you honour thy chill pill prescription… daily.

The Sermon on Mount Delusion
From the Book of C*ntalatians 3:69

Behold, I say unto thee:
I am she. The chosen one, the glitter in God’s eye, the divine Wi-Fi through which the universe now speaks.
Kneel, peasants, for you are in the presence of greatness wrapped in jewels and light emotional instability.
Who can find a woman like me? None. 
For I am fearfully and wonderfully c*nty.
Empires tremble at my entrance; exes weep in my wake; strawberry Ice vapes burst into flame at the sheer voltage of my self-belief.
My wisdom is flawless, my authority unquestioned. 
Your applause sustains me. Your secrets feed me.
Your discomfort is my holy communion.
You are not broken; you are simply uninitiated.
You come to me raw and unseasoned. I tenderise you emotionally until you glisten with revelation.
And should I spank you spiritually, you will thank me for the sting.

The Testimonies of the Converted:

'A divine mix of therapy, prophecy, and roast comedy. Not one soul left unscathed.' FringeFeed 

'Funny, raw and unexpectedly profound.' Crowdpleasers, Melbourne Fringe

'Bring your mate who seriously needs to dump their boyfriend.' Audience review

'Gemma is a masterclass in reading the room with comedy timing that is spot on.' Crowdpleasers, Melbourne Fringe

'The Oracle is a perfectly chaotic mix of bite and insight. Never has saying the quiet part out loud been so funny. Gemma is a star.' Melbourne Fringe Feed

'I have never been so seen before. 5 stars!' Crowdpleasers, Melbourne Fringe.

'Hilarious, raw, and completely original. Perth’s queer mystic brings revelation to the stage.' FringeFeed 

The Ritual of Healing:
This is not stand-up as you know it. This is fortune telling as theatre.
A séance where the ghost is your ex, the blame belongs to your parents and the medium is drunk on power and validation.
You will laugh, you will cringe, you will feel something… and in this economy, that’s all you can really hope for.

My power: Unmatched.
My timing: Spicy.
My Autism: Used for evil.
My lipstick: MAC “Martyr Red.”

The Great Commission:
Go now, my faithful degenerates. 
Spread the gospel of the Unhinged Oracle!
Tell your friends. Tell your therapist. Tell your enemies! (Especially them)
Bring them to my next sermon, that they too may be spiritually spanked and emotionally exfoliated.
It’s not like you had anything better to do.
Admit it babe... you like a firm hand.
This is the cult you’ll want to join
(Because coercive control hasn’t been fully defined in Australian law yet.) 

Legal Disclaimer:
(as dictated by my lawyer, *Barry)

The Unhinged Oracle™ would like to clarify that, despite repeated allegations of “starting a cult” and “harvesting followers for emotional labour”, no such organisation legally exists.
All acts of worship, confession or spontaneous trauma release are strictly voluntary.
Any psychic awakenings, personality shifts or breakups that occur post-show are coincidental and non-refundable.

Barry wishes to remind audiences that:
1.    The term “cult initiation” is metaphorical, theatrical and occasionally consensually sexual.
2.    Due to recent events we must specify that The Oracle does not accept goats or Bitcoin as offerings.
3.    Any audience member who attempts to question her authority will be sent to hell (Mcdonalds at 1am on a Friday).

Furthermore, The Oracle accepts zero liability for:
•    Sudden realisations that you are the problem.
•    Emotional clarity resulting in divorce, career change or bisexual awakening.
•    Awkward car rides home.

Unhinged Oracle is a live comedy experience, not a registered spiritual institution. Joining her community of like-minded individuals does not constitute conversion or meaningful spiritual membership in any way, shape, or form.

*Barry may or may not be a real lawyer